It has been a long time since I was here….and in part, aside from being, or at least feeling busy, for a few weeks I have avoided being here simply because there I feel like there is too much to say, and it becomes easier to say nothing at all.

But, I want to be here now, to let you know I am still alive, and feeling very much alive! I went part time at work about a month ago now, and it is proving to have been a good decision. Being at home on Thursdays and Fridays now, the more I do the more I realise I could do…the possibilities seem to open up a little and my perspective has changed considerably. I have the time to actually think about my work and get excited…. to allow ideas to surface and articulate themselves. I just generally feel happier than I did at the beginning of the summer, and I am certain this is due to the shift in focus from dull day job to actually being able to think of myself as an artist and make those things I want to be a priority actually be a priority….

I am able to move into Wysing hopefully in a couple of weeks, so my two days not at work I can spend making and thinking about my work, which feels like an incredibly precious luxury. It is quite strange to look back to this time last year and think about how stressed I would get when I didn’t feel like I was making work… I feel much calmer about my approach, my practice, (maybe this will change and oscillate between panic and calm still), but I am better able to trust my own instincts and know that to not be actively busy all the time isn’t a bad thing…it’s just how I work, it takes, and needs time. Don’t get me wrong, there are still waves of insecurity and paranoia, but they are often balanced out by the excitement with the actual work, and having more time now to be with the work, or its traces and possibilities, the more able I am to forget the doubt and jump in the deep end with just doing it and not worrying about it.

I guess I am maybe putting off doing some work by choosing to write to you all first. I did some filming whilst in Italy, and I feel so excited about the visual traces it has left me with…I don’t want to lose the hope about the work, because it is so rich, and it’s not definite, but all those beautiful things I can envisage there being, the possibility of it becoming something…and actually when I think about the work I made last August, which some of you have seen, I felt a similar sense of not knowing what it was I had captured and how it would exist outside of what I hoped for it. The image above is somehow part of the work….at least it was taken in the same space, and it has something of what I want for the footage I have…I will have to let you know how I get on when I do actually set aside the time over the next few days to watch the footage and think about it.


I have finally bought a car, a little black VW Lupo from some friends. So I can get out to Wysing and even come down to London now just for an evening without worrying about how to get back in time on the train for work the next day. Having said that I got hopelessly lost trying to get home from Redbridge on Saturday night- my driving is ok, but my navigation skills leave a lot to be desired! But, as with many other things in my life, it feels like an experience that I can smile about and throw myself into like an adventure rather than get too scared.

I do hope everyone is well, and I look forward to catching up with everyone in October at Toynbee. Are people sticking about after the meeting for a drink or maybe some food?

Take care, love Kat.