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Hello
My apologies for being a little on the quiet side recently….I guess I just felt like being quiet and still for a while. I have been reading though, and it is good to feel pulled in by the blog and excited just reading…
There are things I wanted to throw into the pot, but I will come back to these shortly.
I thought I would post a couple of images…somehow they seem to hold an affinity to how I feel at the moment….from the performance at EEC at the beginning of May.
Life feels out of sync at the moment…”mind the gap between your thoughts and reality” someone used to say this to me frequently…I don’t want to though. I am unsettled at work. I was given a really positive initial reaction to reducing my hours at work, in order to be able to be at Wysing for at least two days a week….now it seems this might not be the case…I am looking elsewhere, so it feels a little unsettling…the person I sit next to at work keeps saying that everyone goes through times at work when they’re not so happy….I don’t want to sit in an office feeling like everything that excites me is outside the door…I refuse to accept that this is it…I want my life to be beautiful, and I know it can be, it is at times…and it is about searching for that, knowing not to accept something that isn’t that…
The performance at EEC was a really positive experience. I felt really anxious, but I think, if I’m honest, it’s the first time that I have looked back and felt so excited by a piece of work that is live…..because it is not known, it has thrown up ideas and images that were unexpected….because in the images I have, I am surprised and engaged…for me, they are really beautiful…not in a familiar sense, but because they are like an unexpected by-product….less definite, less defined and immediate…
And maybe because there is a sense of balance…
I keep coming back to this word defiant when I am scribbling down notes. I want that in my work. Defiance…in fact I am not even certain I know what that means…but I want the work to be unashamed, unreserved and not held back…
A quiet physicality that expands one’s thinking….I come back to that thought that thinking through the work is better for me, that the work would emerge if I give it time…
It was really interesting to read about being anxious and not feeling confident to invite people to work…Biggi, I guess in a way I can relate to your post, but also to the responses posted later…but I also can’t help thinking that the anxiety, and the doubt and the (sometimes) sense of inadequacy is drawn into the work…( I use the word inadequacy, more of something from me, rather than something you have said, and certainly not something I have thought about you or your work!)…
Franko, confidence was something that came up in those few days around EEC when I saw you….do you think it is about strategy? I think it is true to say that sometimes I feel like a genius at work…not because it’s big or clever, but because the genuine excitement and, well engagement, (yes, I do overuse that word), makes me feel like I do have this relationship with the work that means confidence is totally and utterly irrelevant, it isn’t in the slightest way a conscious thought, because the work is just there and it’s just you and the work. I suppose it is putting it out there, trying to engage someone else in this precious relationship that feels more conscious, and therefore more difficult too…..but I am still not sure it is such a conscious feeling….and then the other side of the scale is feeling like an utter failure….which I think comes less from the work, and more from me…and it difficult to articulate what one means by such a weighty word, other than a sense of losing oneself and that relationship to the work….(an, yes, rejections don’t seem to help…)
I want my work to be quiet and intimate and subtle. And I want my relationship with it, which is all these things to also be present for other people….but go beyond what I can be with it…
So, in one sense I don’t have a particularly constructive response to your post Biggi….other than that to believe in the work for yourself is so very important, which I guess is not something you need to be told in the slightest, but other than that I do not know what else to say…hmm, suddenly writing this here actually makes it less easy to get out any words…but I would be interested to speak to you more in person about it.
When I do not write on the blog for a while I forget how precious it is…how much it opens up one way in which I engage with you as a group of people, as a way of thinking about my own work, and how life is more generally….
….and as clichéd as it is, life feels that bit closer than it did at three o’clock this afternoon when I was sat looking at bank accounts at work this afternoon, for coming back to what is important in my life, and being able to share and throw it out there….
It would be lovely to meet up with everyone soon. It was mentioned a meeting in Stevenage near Jon? Is this still on? Dates….? I’m definitely up for it, looking forward to it…
With love
Katherine.
... actually that is for now the last one.
The video was then edited which showed the sitters 2mins each staring into the camera and blending out when they were told that the mins are over. The video has no sound. It was projected during an exhibition against the blank white wall in a naturally lit space so it looked quite faint on the wall.
These were the two pieces I was working on and now I am at a stage where I need to crack down to the nitty gritty bit. They both were successful in their way they were set up and in regards to the wanted impact. Although both pieces had very simple set-ups they were to some extend irritating and challenging for some more than others.+1.jpg)
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